I’ve always been a worrier…one who has always felt the need to plan ahead…and fret ahead – and as I look back over many of those anxieties, very few of them have ever actually played out as I feared. Many of my worries have been completely irrational and then others have simply stemmed from watching far too many episodes of Dateline. #dontwatchalone ha!
With each pregnancy, I have worried about something, and here we are on pregnancy #4, and I’m still worrying. Why? Because Satan knows this is one of my weak places, and He takes great pleasure in attacking me by planting seeds of fear and then doing everything he can to water those seeds so that all joy is choked out of what are supposed to be exciting times – and what could be more exciting than welcoming new life in to the family?
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Featuring Baby #4
Chalkboard by Chalk Full of Design
Most of you know our daughter’s story as well as our story of how God has gifted us with an overwhelming sense of peace and joy throughout the past several months. We are so thankful for our girl’s life. When we look at her, we don’t ever find ourselves questioning God’s design. In fact, everything about her has caused us to stand even more in awe of our Master Designer. Down Syndrome doesn’t scare us anymore. Our journey of learning and growing with her has been amazing so far, and we feel excited about the future!
We don’t fear Down Syndrome, but if I’m being honest, I must admit that I don’t love surprises – especially surprises that initially scare me.
On Monday, we go for our Anatomy Scan – the ultrasound where they will look things over and take measurements and look closely at our new sweet babe. While, yes, we’re excited to find out the gender (and share it with everyone), I feel anxious about the scan. Aubrey’s ultrasounds were perfectly clean with no soft markers, so Satan is enjoying reminding me of that by whispering things like, So even if they tell you everything is okay, brace yourself. and Things may go smoothly on Monday morning….they may even go smoothly at the hospital…but you never know.
It’s like some kind of weird PTSD that I’m experiencing – and it’s not even Down Syndrome that I’m thinking about when I feel anxious – it’s a million other things that come to mind!
The evil one knows we feel such peace in the current chapter of our story, so He has decided that his goal is to fill me with fear about the pages yet to be written. He and I have been battling it out, and when the war gets to ragin’, my Father is so faithful to remind me of a few very specific things:
I am good. I am faithful.
I am the Great Designer. I do not make mistakes. Ever.
Look at your girl! She’s amazing! You wouldn’t change her if you could.
I am here. I do not fail.
No matter what – Did you hear me? No matter what, you can trust me.
Don’t you love how personal our Jesus is?
So if you think of it, will you pray for this mama’s heart? I’m feeling a little anxious about Monday.
I will praise You forever for what You have done. In the presence of Your faithful people, I will put my hope in Your name, for it is good. – Psalm 52:9