The Biggest Mommy War of All

For generations, the Mommy Wars have been raging! There seems to be a tendency among some moms to fight about everything – and not just the big topics that I’m sure are already coming to mind for you, but silly things, too! I have literally seen arguments break out on social media among moms discussing which jogging stroller is best! What?! (You see, I would never have to be involved in that kind of drama because I don’t believe in jogging. I’m more in to walking strollers. ha! But anyway…) I’m sure you’ve witnessed this kind of thing: on social media, in a book club, between friends in your neighborhood, with other mamas at your child’s school. Ahh! Mommy groups oftentimes seem to be a breading ground for insecurities to rear their ugly head and turn insignificant molehills in to mountains that damage relationships and discourage in ways that may never be fully seen by everyone involved.

The Mommy Wars can definitely get ugly, but so far, in my journey as a mother, I have found that the biggest mommy war of all seems to rage within myself. Different seasons of motherhood have been more difficult for me than others, and maybe the same rings true for you. Maybe you’re like me and there have been times when you’ve found yourself questioning your every move, feeling anxious about your children, struggling with fear of what the future holds for one of them (or all of them!), worrying that you’ve made a mistake about something – or all things big and small.


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Oftentimes as moms, we are guilty of beating ourselves up over everything we do (or don’t do) – and Satan loves it! When we attack ourselves in this way, the evil one has been successful in robbing us of the joy of stewarding the lives of our kids. 

Are my kids signed up for enough activities?

Are my kids signed up for too many activities?

Did I read to my kids enough when they were babies?

I wish my child’s birth had been different.

Why was breastfeeding so hard for me?

Why didn’t I buy the OTHER jogging stroller? ha!

My toddlers hate vegetables! Why does every one else’s two-year old eat kale?

Why do I get SO UPSET with my kids during homework time?

My minivan looks disgusting. 

I don’t cook enough.

My house isn’t clean enough.

I’m not enough.

Let’s just stop and take a deep breath together.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Did you do it?

Let’s try it again.

Breathe in deeply.

Now, breathe out nice and slow.

Yes, there are most definitely going to be times when the Father is speaking to our hearts and challenging us to grow in some way. Maybe he’s saying, You need to be more consistent here…You need to be more patient there…You need to be more thoughtful of your time here…You need to be more understanding there. Yes, there are times when He will speak those kinds of things to our hearts and ask us to follow through in obedience. Don’t ignore those promptings from Him – They’re important. We are all works in progress who will always have areas where He can strengthen us, but what about the times when He has something a little different to say?

What about the times when He is simply longing for us to know that He understands we’re tired and He is standing ready to be our source of strength? Or those times when He is eagerly wanting to comfort us with his peace when He knows our current circumstances are more difficult than anything we’ve ever faced? Or when he’s begging us to just.stop. and rest in the fact that He designed us specifically for the children He gifted to us and He wants us to give up on trying to be something we’re not? Or when He wants nothing more than to assure us that Yes, today was HARD, but tomorrow is a new day with a fresh start – Let me hold you til then. You see, I don’t want to miss those times when He’s longing to communicate closely with me in that way, but I know I do. I miss those sweet messages of reassurance…I miss them often. Why? Because I’m too busy allowing condemnation and judgment from within to roar so loudly in my heart that I’m unable to hear what He’s saying to me – and He never intended for motherhood to be like that.

Does the same thing happen to you?

My Bible tells me that in Jesus, there is no condemnation. If we are abiding in Him and relying on Him to help us point our children to Jesus, He promises to be everything we need. We can allow Him to work through us to do an eternal work in our homes.

His heart is for us to embrace the gifts of life He has placed our families and to hold tightly to all of the promises in His Word:

You will never walk alone.

I know the plans I have for you.

My Word will be your guide.

I will give you wisdom.

You have THIS confidence.

Your needs? I’ve already supplied them.

I will be your peace.

When the battle rages around you, I have not forgotten you.

So today, mamas, put down your swords – the ones you are using to fight with yourself. Tell Satan to get lost, and reclaim the joy that comes with allowing Jesus to love your kids through you.

If today, you are feeling like you’re not enough, you’re right! You are not enough, but Jesus is, and as we put an end to the mommy war that rages within us, we will realize that the One who calms the storm has been there the entire time – and He is not looking for perfection, He is looking for faithfulness.

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  1. I could not find this more true in my life! Great point, thank you!

  2. How beautifully written! I’ve been turning around in my head and sorting through the differences between conviction (and God’s prompting to needed action) and guilt (and the accompanying fears that keep me from letting go and trusting God).Thanks for your thoughtful reflection on this!

  3. So true! I find myself getting to that point often. But when I’m aware of it, I dive into God’s Word and it always stops the lies that I’m making up in my head about myself.
    Great post! Thank you for the encouragement!

  4. For mothers during the time of birth or nursering a baby is a war with herself. So has to go through many difficulties. Only a mother can understand that. That’s why mothers are special.

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