A little social media experiment…
In 2020 – when the online conflicts seemingly wouldn’t stop and the censorship began to get more and more out of control, I made a couple of pretty drastic decisions.
Blog Social Media
First- I stepped away from my blog social media presence, shifting my focus to my website here, This Little Home of Mine. I had begun to experience the censorship, shadow-banning, etc. I had heard others mention, and I simply didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
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However, my website really did need some TLC. So I am grateful I made a shift that allowed me to update and enhance my site in all the ways it needed at the time.
Over the last year, I have begun to once again share in those spaces. The censorship seems to be less and I have been enjoying posting there again – while still remaining mostly focused on my website.
Personal Facebook Account
Second – I deleted all my personal Facebook friends. Yes, you heard me correctly – In 2020, I deleted over 2,000 Facebook friends. I’m not really sure what a typical number of Facebook friends is, but I remember I would only accept friend requests from people I had met in real life, and I had been accumulating these connections since Facebook first became a thing…whenever that was.
Apart from my concerns with big tech, it felt as if some of my friends had grown too comfortable with only having online relationships.
Sure, I loved seeing the funny things people would post and looking at the cute pictures of everyone’s kids – but I started to feel a pull toward focusing more on nurturing in-person relationships.
- It had begun to feel strange to me that I knew every time the girl from high school’s kids had fevers, but there were people right in my world that I hadn’t spent quality time with in months…
- …and it seemed kind of strange how Facebook would remind me to send birthday wishes to various people each day, but what meaningful things had I done for any of my actual friends on their birthdays…
- …and 2020 was just brutal, and it felt gross to see Facebook friends post comments I knew they’d never say in person.
I had a modest list of people I specifically wanted to invite for dinner, ask to coffee, get our kids together to hang out, you get the idea.
I realize Facebook can be a fantastic tool for staying in touch with out-of-town family and friends – those you’d maybe love to go to dinner with or have over, but it’s simply not possible because they live too far away.
In my situation, I mostly use phone calls and texting to keep in touch with my long-distance friends and relatives. So no longer using my Facebook didn’t create any issues here.
What I Noticed…
A couple of things I experienced following The Great Facebook Friend Delete of 2020:
- More than once I ran into an old online friend, and they seemed legitimately irritated I was no longer posting updates, photos of the kids, etc. Not in an I miss you. way, but as if they were frustrated they were no longer going to be able to know what was going on with our family.
- Not one person reached out and said, “I really miss seeing your posts. Let’s get together!” Sure, I had my list of people I wanted to make more of an effort with – and I did, and I’ve seen some sweet relationships flourish from that – but it’s been five and a half years now, and I haven’t heard from anyone else. hahaha (Is it weird to laugh at this – it just kind of strikes me as funny in a way.)
A couple of things I started to think about/ask myself:
- Have we become too lazy in our relationships? Do we consider scrolling through posts from so-and-so as staying in touch with them? I know there are people we know who think following along with our blog and/or social media is keeping them up to date with our life, but how much can I emphasize that is simply not the case? Sure, they see the cookies we’re baking, the books we’re reading, and the trips we’ve taken – but do they know I had a breast scare in the spring…and all the ways God provided in the school situation for our boys this year…and that sometimes I really struggle with fear…and the hilarious things Aubrey said or did this week…and how I saw God answer a very specific prayer request for a family member this month.
- Are we over estimating how much others care about what we’re posting and sharing? Honestly, who would even notice or care all that much if we disappeared from their feed? Yet, we are staging photos, curating parties, and exaggerating everyday moments simply so we can post for people who don’t really even really care. I don’t say this to make anyone feel badly…but to just encourage us to think about this.
Have you ever considered making a change like this?
Maybe you don’t want to delete all your Facebook friends like I did, but you WOULD like to focus more on your actual relationships. YES! Go for it, friend!
While I have blog social media accounts where I share things related to this site – I have not resumed using my personal Facebook account for anything other than Marketplace and following a couple of groups that have been set up for local things we are involved in here through our neighborhood, church, etc. I’m not sure if I’ll ever go back to using that account for following along with acquaintances. Honestly, each year, I feel more and more compelled to focus more intently on in-person relationships.
Instead of scrolling through friends, I want to plan more get-togethers, host more pizza nights, instigate more coffee dates, deliver more birthday treats, etc.
As I’ve talked with my real-life friends about this, it has been so interesting to hear their thoughts. It’s especially fascinating when I’m chatting with someone who has never utilized any kind of social media. One of my friends explained that she felt like social media kept people connected with people from their past that maybe were intended to remain in the past. I had always thought it was neat to reconnect with so many people from years gone by, but I do think this is something worth considering, depending on the situation.
What thoughts do you have about what has ended up feeling like a bit of a social media experiment of sorts?
I have honestly done so much of the same. There are FB friends who are across the country who I have known for decades, but don’t want to sever connection completely. I am realizing how weak my in person connections had been in a very trying time of my life, and 2020 just revealed how superficial all of them were. I still have greetings relationships with many of them, and worship alongside them, but otherwise? Nah I’m good. Starting over at 40 is so hard, but I’d rather be at a table that has space for me than stand behind those at a table not big enough for me.
Thank you for sharing your own experience with this – I appreciate you being here, and I’m so glad this resonated with you like it did. I think we can all relate in some way!
“Everybody wants a village but nobody wants to be a villager.” -unkown
I feel so seen by this. Nobody cares that I don’t post anymore. People are angry that they “never get to see my kids.” Meanwhile they don’t ask for pictures or to get together. I thought I was in the minority going through this.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me as well – I truly do understand, and it is SO NICE to know we’re not alone!